Job Title: Co-Director of Home Management and Youth Culture
We’re looking for a dynamic self-starter who loves craft projects as much as he/she love scheduling dentist appointments. This passionate individual will work in a small team consisting of one team member who cannot speak full sentences or understand simple directions. This role calls for a very detailed-oriented person who remembers to cut hot dogs in a certain way and be able to remember specific phrases (that may or may not be English) spoken by an ever-growing impatient team member. The ideal candidate loves taking on mundane tasks while still being able to perform complex projects, such as having weekly discussions about the location of 401K money with Transamerica. We’re looking for someone who can cook, clean, be a proofreader, be social media savvy, and intimately know the layout of our neighborhood Kroger. (I never want to have to remember where they put mascarpone cheese ever again.)
- Assist in managing home duties which consist of but not limited to laundry, meal planning, lawn mower scheduling, bug killing, general house cleaning, cat litter/diaper pail changing, remembering and documenting oral commands of various commands on the Google Home or Amazon Echo
- Lead all youth culture activities Monday – Friday between the hours of 10am – 6pm. Activities must be age appropriate and stimulate brain growth for the key team member with a short attention span
- Plan and cook all team member meals while meeting special dietary needs for one demanding and fickle team member. Other team members are satisfied with anything that’s taco-esque or is comfort food.
- Coordinate weekend team building field trips and also be available for team member monitoring on Friday or Saturday evenings
- Assist in creating content for a blog while also aiding in finding freelance work. Be able to organize client notes and creatively contribute to making the driest of topics interesting.
Bonus Points If You:
- Are a tech nerd and can freely converse about IT management, house automation, and other tech news
- Expect no company perks such as free soda or Summer Fridays
- Are not afraid to be mentally and physically broken down by a younger and shorter team member
- Know how to make lasagna
- Like to bake cookies, pies, croissants, bear claws or have an affinity towards baking with almonds and almond paste. Ultra super awesome bonus points if you can bake healthy items for the only team member whose body isn’t already ruined by trans fat.
- Have endless energy to run in circles or look for acorns with an inquisitive team member
- Bilingual (preferably tagalog) and love teaching languages to stubborn team members
- Possess a vast knowledge of 90s cartoons and PBS shows/fun sing-along songs that come with dances. (ex. Baby Shark song)
Please send your cover letter, resume, and personal website to firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll reach out to you. Serious inquiries only. Please no dick pics.