I ugly cried in my car today.

Pic of my car
Here’s a glamour shot of our dirty car

I ugly cried in my car today.

TL; DR Get in a car accident and get more life experience!

On my way to do some errands around the city, I turned into a gas station and someone rear-ended me. It’s my first car accident and I am 100% I didn’t handle it the way a grown adult with a child should have.

It was an uncomfortable situation where the person who crashed into me was begging for me to not call the police. She didn’t have her insurance or her driver’s license, and yet we exchanged what information we had and parted ways.

Never being in a car accident before (a few bumps here and there), I was shaking from adreneline, shock, and absolute fear of talking to a stranger essentially about money and what’s due to me. Miles wasn’t hurt, I wasn’t hurt, she was being hysterical, so it wasn’t until after she left that I realized she could’ve swindled me out of fixing my car.

I sat and cried at this gas station intersection while people went about their rainy afternoon filling up their cars, chugging down their energy drinks, and purchasing their cigarettes. I just sat there still confused about what just happened, what could’ve happened, what I did wrong, and why I’m still crying in my car even though we’re all ok.

In the end, we managed to get their insurance info and we’re getting the car fixed soon.

What a silly time to insert myself in this new feminist movement, but I couldn’t help but think that a real woman wouldn’t have reacted the way I did. It’s not just because I am a mom but I felt like I should’ve been more confident with myself and know what I needed to do. I was almost apologetic in my tone and fearful that she would’ve driven off if given the opportunity. I should’ve known that if she didn’t have insurance and her driver’s license, we needed to call the police. Things could’ve easily have taken a nasty turn.

In life and in work, my default setting is to be meek to make sure I don’t offend or make people uncomfortable. I always feel like I am to blame or it’s something I could’ve done better. Maybe if I turned on my blinker earlier, maybe she wouldn’ve have rear-ended me. Maybe if I sent that email last night, I wouldn’t be in this predicament. It’s a pattern I can’t seem to shake off, especially because I don’t realize I’m doing it half the time.

2017 was a lot of wandering around, trying to figure out what I wanted to do. From last year, I realize that experiences are invaluable teaching tools and am thankful for all the success and failure I received. Even this car accident is an experience I’m somewhat thankful to have: 1) Had my first accident 2) Didn’t get hurt 3) Wasn’t my fault 4) Ugly cried in the car and DGAF

If you like this post, find me on Facebook and Instagram and let’s get together sometime and clean my car.

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