I haven’t seen Miles since last Wednesday. He’s been recovering from a mild cough and fever in Savannah. Said cough has been passed down onto me and I have also been recovering (not so successfully) in Atlanta.
And I know it sometimes seems like or sometimes I feel like I’m just sending Miles away whenever it’s going to be a busy week or when Mark is going to be on a long business trip. It some ways, it can be that way, as much as I don’t want to admit it, but Miles is always sorely missed when he’s away for too long.
I’ve grown to admit that I am a selfish person, a very, very selfish person. However, when I’m with Miles, I try to spend the time with him on fun activities for him. Any mother can tell you that this is very draining and even a minute to yourself to use the restroom or just browse online can be a luxury. But I do it because I love him and it’s something I naturally must do when I’m with. If I don’t, I have this enormous amount of guilt that just hangs over me for the rest of the day and I stress about it. I’ll be so stressed about it, I’ll try to make up for it by spending hours looking for activities we can do the following day or adventures we can do in the backyard.
During the times when Mark is on week long business trips or when we just haven’t been in Savannah for a while, Miles and I will travel down for a week and hang out with my parents. Every now and then, Miles will go solo if I have things to do or appointments to keep. My parents will GLADLY pick him up any day of the week. They love and cherish every moment with him and I’m thankful for parents who are so loving and so generous with their time.
Miles and I spent a few days in Savannah during the Super Bowl but he was sick. I ended up getting sick as well and my sister drove me back to Atlanta, so I can recover without the stress of caring for tiny nugget.
As much as I am selfish, when I have too much time to myself, I get restless. I start shuffling around the kitchen looking through Miles’ old baby photos. It’s an odd problem to have — not knowing what to do with extra time when you finally have it.
I wonder if mothers have the same “non” dilemma like me. Do you crave some well-deserved “me time” and then you have it, so you eat all the junk food and watch all the TV shows on day 1 and now you’re twiddling thumbs wondering if there’s any food you can prepare for your kid before he gets here. Sidenote: I totally made Miles two dozen cake pops because of this very problem.
This evening, I’m rewriting my personal website, finishing a book I’ve been reading, and eating my second bowl of Ramen. My diet just goes down hill, just a straight drop into sodium-filled instant food when Miles is not here, which is
both a bad thing and good thing is probably going to destroy me but I’m sick so… excuses.